Soppho

When I handed over the fabric to Mom, I probably should have specified which way I wanted the birds to fly.

Yes, I know. I’m all out of order. I swear I can count, I just can’t hit “publish” in the right order, apparently. Let’s write this off as charming or something, okay?

This is the fabric I chose for a the closet door in our office. Lest you think I’ve gone all domestic on you, I still can’t sew worth a damn. My mom took the fabric home to make the curtain for me. Let the record show that she rules.

Damn you, August, and your 31 days. How could I stop at 30 days of fun, and leave your final day out in the cold?

Say what you will about Candy Corn, and its sugar, sugar, and more sugar held together exclusively by high fructose corn syrup. Say what you will about that sick feeling you get if you eat more than a small handful. Say what you will about it being available in the supermarket before it’s even September. I spied it in the store and I had to have it.

I’m not sorry.

I’d never had anything professionally framed before, and doing so made me feel particularly grown up. Not grown up in the sense that real adults have real art hanging from their wall, but in the sense that they complain about how expensive things are. And holy cow, I knew that framing was expensive, but I had no idea it was that expensive.

With that in mind, although they were ready for us on the 23rd, we decided to wait until the aftershocks from the earthquake abated before we brought them home.

My dear friends just had a baby, if by “just” you mean three weeks before I sent off their present. If only there were some sort of way to know that a baby was coming—maybe some sort of waiting or gestation period— so I wouldn’t spend the three weeks following the baby’s birth frantically crocheting up a storm.

Meanwhile, if ever new parents knew how much profanity comes flying out of my mouth as I’m struggling to make a baby blanket, they’d never let the baby near it, but rather place it in a hazmat bag and try to bury it at sea. So let’s just keep that our little secret, okay?