Soppho

I’ve already admitted that until recently I wasn’t much of a fan of cover songs. Probably because the ones I usually heard sounded a lot like what happens when pop artists perform their songs live (and I mean perform, not lip sync). The melody sounds almost exactly like the original, but the vocals aren’t at [...]

Me: Are you going to leave me because I’m a pain in the ass?
Y Chromosome: You’re not a pain in the ass!
Me: I’m sorry have we met?
Y Chrome: Well…………….It’s worth it.
Me: Ugh! You just called me a pain in the ass! I can’t believe it!

Y Chromosome: So I heard about your unfortunate black sweater incident. What did you do with it?
Me: The sweater? I threw it away.
Y Chromosome: You could have just washed it and it would’ve been fine.
Me: No, but it would always be my toilet sweater. People would be all, ‘hey, nice sweater’ and I’d be all, [...]

Making dinner with Y Chromosome…
Me: Here’s the potholder. Watch out; I just washed it and it gets hot faster when it’s damp.
Y Chromosome, using the potholder to pull a pan from the oven: It’s not bad. Heat doesn’t really travel faster through something when it’s—ow! OW!
Me: I’m sorry, did you just burn yourself in the [...]

I submit to you a litmus test of my very own. Feel free to use this test when selecting a new significant other, screening the friends of your children, or when you are charged with the task of vetting a Supreme Court nominee. Kindly use it instead of using your “You’ve got some ’splainin to [...]