Soppho

The day after I had my wisdom teeth out, W. and I were walking on the downtown mall:
W.: Oh, that’s nice. Condoms all over the ground.
Me: Great, it’s just like being in my apartment.
W: Oh, realllllly?
Me: BUILDING. MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
W: Riiiiiight. Y Chrome’s an even better caretaker than I thought!

B.: I had this dream last night that I was in an alien cooking show. The contestant was some sort of anthropomorphic banana.
Me: It’s peanut butter jelly time!
B.: Yeah, actually, he was a lot like that.
Me: Peanut butter jelly!
B.: And he was making his soup all wrong.
Me: Peanut butter jelly!
B.: He put his snake in [...]

Last week, Y Chrome came tearing up the stairs of my apartment building, threw my door open, and looked at me in a panic.
“There was someone. On the steps. He looked like a young guy; I think he works for your new rental company. And he was playing with a caulking gun.”
And then I ran [...]