S-P-U-T-U-M, It’s aliiiive

W: Guess what I’m reading!
Me: Do I have to?
W: “Clinical and Laboratory Analysis of Sputum.”
Me: Ew!
W: Greenish brown is a choice, choice of color, I mean, that if it smells foul “patient is often more sick.”
Me: Ya think?
W: “Well, Mr. Smith, I see that you’re hacking up some greenish-brown stuff that is seriously stinky, but [...]

Taking a definitive stand

I was upstairs talking to a friend on the phone for a couple of hours, and when I came back down, I found Y Chromosome in bed, half-asleep.
Me: Are you going to propose to me in the next week?
Y Chromosome: …No…Why?
Me: A certain short Italian man from Connecticut* seems to think you are. He told [...]

In case there were any question where I stand on the issue

W: I saw a bumper sticker this morning that made me very upset and I forgot to tell you about it on our walk.
Me: I’m frightened already.
W: “Having an abortion doesn’t make you ‘un-pregnant,’ it makes you the mother of a dead baby.”
Me: UM.
W: Yes.
Me: And, even after you have that bumper sticker removed from [...]

I wouldn’t say “humorless” so much as “easily excitable”

Y Chrome and I were away at a dear friend’s wedding in Connecticut last week. Aside from my cat-sitter losing my poor furry monster while we were gone, inciting some cat-lady hysteria and a whole lot of fretting (he’s yet to be found, but we’ve not given up yet), we had a great time. [...]

I feel a 400 dollar haircut coming on

Me: I’m sad about Al and Tipper Gore. I’m feeling disillusioned.
Y Chromosome: How long were they together?
Me: 40 years! How did this happen? And more importantly, who will make-y out-y in a gross yet vaguely endearing manner at the DNC? Who, I ask you, who?? I was sixteen when that happened, and in some sort [...]