Soppho

Y Chromosome pulls a light colored strand from his shirt.
Me: Your other girlfriend’s hair, I presume?
Y Chrome: It’s not hair. I think it’s a fiber.
Me: Riiiiight. I believe you. What’s her name?
Y Chrome: Polly-Esther Rayon.
Me: A southern woman, hm? I should have known.

While we were watching t.v. last night, a commercial featuring Laura Bush came on.
Me: Oh, come on now, Laura. I can clearly see your eyes moving back and forth as you’re reading from the teleprompter.
Y Chrome: Isn’t she a literacy advocate? Isn’t that what she’s pushing—reading to your children? She’s reading!  It’s not “recite from [...]

Me: Judge me!! Think Simon rather than Paula: On a scale of 1-10, 1 being innocuous, 10 being “I won’t be ignored, Dan!!” Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction frightening, where does “buying a wedding dress before you’re engaged” fall on the scale? Normally I don’t even really like them, but I happened upon one the [...]

Me: Woo to the hoo! Hells to the yeah! Hey, I see you over there! You best not be shaking your head at me like I’m crazy!
S: Milli Vanilli said it best: “Girl, you know it’s true.”
Me: I think you mean ‘Milli Vanilli lip synced it best’.
S: That’s fair, but it doesn’t make it [...]

Boy: So, what, you don’t think I’m fun to be around?
Girl: Of course I don’t; I’m dating you.
Boy: Why are you dating me then, to keep the general dating pool safe?
Girl: Yeah, it’s my job. They pay me to do it.
Boy: By the hour or salary?
Girl: Salary.
Boy: Very good then.