Soppho

Me: Okay, how about those little crusty things you get in your eyes when you sleep? What did you call those when you were a kid?
Y Chromosome: Sleepers.
Me: Really?! REALLY?! I did, too! Finally, we found some sort of commonality in our childhoods. This is exciting. Sleepers, yeah!
Y Chrome: Well, sometimes we called them ’sleepers’, [...]

W:  I love the local news: “I asked them, ‘where does the things that go into a cookie come from’, and they said ‘in a garden in the back of the grocery store.’ So it really shows a lot of kids these days don’t know where eggs, milk, beef comes from.”
Me:  Um.
W: I don’t put [...]

Y Chromosome pulls a light colored strand from his shirt.
Me: Your other girlfriend’s hair, I presume?
Y Chrome: It’s not hair. I think it’s a fiber.
Me: Riiiiight. I believe you. What’s her name?
Y Chrome: Polly-Esther Rayon.
Me: A southern woman, hm? I should have known.

While we were watching t.v. last night, a commercial featuring Laura Bush came on.
Me: Oh, come on now, Laura. I can clearly see your eyes moving back and forth as you’re reading from the teleprompter.
Y Chrome: Isn’t she a literacy advocate? Isn’t that what she’s pushing—reading to your children? She’s reading!  It’s not “recite from [...]

Me: Judge me!! Think Simon rather than Paula: On a scale of 1-10, 1 being innocuous, 10 being “I won’t be ignored, Dan!!” Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction frightening, where does “buying a wedding dress before you’re engaged” fall on the scale? Normally I don’t even really like them, but I happened upon one the [...]