Soppho

What did you get me?
Where did you get it?
Did you buy it in a store? If so, did it come in a paper bag or plastic? Did the bag have handles?
Did you buy it online? If so, did it arrive yet? Where will it arrive? Did you do package tracking?
Am I going to like [...]

I was an avid fan of Highlights Magazine and kids’ puzzle activities as a kid. The only place I had access to them before my sister got a subscription was at our dentist’s office, so we never put up a fuss when we had to go visit good old Dr. Adams. Really. The nerdiness of [...]

Me: Let’s have one! Right now!
Y Chromosome: We can’t right now. After I’m done with school.
Me: Okay, but right then. I’m not getting any younger you know.
Y Chrome: Okay, in December 2010 we can have a puppy.
Me: Yay! And he’ll probably even look just like you.
(Which reminds me of one of my favorites:
We’ve [...]

The day after I had my wisdom teeth out, W. and I were walking on the downtown mall:
W.: Oh, that’s nice. Condoms all over the ground.
Me: Great, it’s just like being in my apartment.
W: Oh, realllllly?
Me: BUILDING. MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
W: Riiiiiight. Y Chrome’s an even better caretaker than I thought!

B.: I had this dream last night that I was in an alien cooking show. The contestant was some sort of anthropomorphic banana.
Me: It’s peanut butter jelly time!
B.: Yeah, actually, he was a lot like that.
Me: Peanut butter jelly!
B.: And he was making his soup all wrong.
Me: Peanut butter jelly!
B.: He put his snake in [...]